Jake Johnson expresses anger toward Jeff Baena during a raw discussion about grief and suicide on "Armchair Expert."
Jake Johnson recently discussed the profound effect that the suicide of his close friend, filmmaker Jeff Baena, had on him.
“I harbor strong feelings of anger towards him,” Johnson, 47, expressed during his guest spot on Dax Shepard’s “Armchair Expert” podcast, which aired on Monday, December 8.
In January, Baena, who was married to actress Aubrey Plaza, passed away by suicide at the age of 47, as confirmed by Us Weekly. At the time, Johnson posted a tribute to the deceased director on social media.
His post, which featured an image of himself and Baena together, read: “I love you Jeff. I despise your final action. But I continue to love you.”
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During the podcast episode, Johnson shared that he temporarily abandoned hiking following Baena’s passing, explaining that it was an activity the two frequently shared, and it brought back memories of his friend.
He told Shepard, 50, “When I visit this area, I can't help but think, 'Yes, the guy is gone.' It has profoundly affected me, far more than I anticipated, which sounds foolish to admit.”
Continue reading for additional revelations Johnson made regarding Baena during the podcast interview:
Jake Johnson's Initial Reluctance to Deliver the Eulogy at Jeff Baena's Service
Johnson eventually delivered the eulogy at Baena’s memorial, explaining to Shepard that although he initially had doubts, he gave it “a great deal of thought.”
“The same thing occurred when my father passed away,” he elaborated. “My brother insisted, ‘You must speak.’ And I responded, 'I won't.’... I questioned, ‘Who exactly am I speaking for?’ His AA companions, elderly Jewish gentlemen, cousins on my father's side whom I barely knew? I saw no reason to weep publicly before people I didn't know.”
Johnson mentioned that he ultimately understood he was delivering the eulogy for his departed father. Similarly, Baena’s eulogy was intended specifically for Baena.
Johnson added that he sought to “provoke” Baena during the eulogy, hoping Baena’s spirit might manifest during the service.
“I truly expected him to interfere with the microphones,” he stated. “I believed something would change, allowing me to confess, ‘I'm sorry I didn't notice.’ The true agony of suicide is believing you understand someone well and realizing you completely failed to see it,” he explained further.
Jake Johnson and Jeff Baena Shared an Immediate Bond
Describing their friendship dynamic, Johnson noted that their equally stubborn personalities frequently led to lively “debates.”
“Our get-togethers, much like yours and mine, involved getting hooked on a topic, and occasionally it would evolve into a minor argument, very similar indeed,” Johnson informed Shepard. “Jeff and I had countless topics. When he took his own life, all those discussions ceased. I felt, ‘That’s unjust, because we never concluded them.’”
Johnson also recalled that he and Baena connected immediately upon their introduction.
He added, “When I first met Jeff, we instantly clicked, and he declared, ‘We are going to grow old together.’ I thought, I know that’s correct. We'll be playing Bocce Ball, and I'll still be sparring with this stubborn old guy.”
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Jake Johnson Reveals He Communicates with Jeff Baena 'Every Night' Following His Death
Johnson shared that Baena has “appeared in his dreams” since his passing.
He continued, “I now speak to Jeff nightly. I have asked Jeff to help watch over my children,” referencing his twin daughters with his wife, Erin Payne.
Jake Johnson Reflects on His Regrets Concerning Jeff Baena
Johnson confessed that Baena's passing has caused him significant emotional distress, fueled by the feeling that he might have been able to provide more support.
“We had plans for a hike,” Johnson recalled, explaining that he declined the invitation from Baena shortly before his death due to a conflict in his schedule.
“Here is where I reflect on things. He had told our mutual friend Miguel, when he was in a dark place, Miguel advised, ‘Talk to Jake, Jake cares about you.’ And Jeff replied, ‘Jake is really occupied with his children and his career. I don't want to bother him.’” Johnson continued. “And now he is gone. … I genuinely believe that if we had gone on that hike that day, I know in my heart he would still be here.”
However, Johnson stressed that his personal sentiments should not be applied universally to every circumstance.
“To anyone listening who has experienced loss, I am not addressing you specifically. Therefore, I am not implying you made an error,” he assured listeners. “I am unfamiliar with your situation. I only know Jeff.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress or contemplating suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
