Lukas Gage Memoir Unearths Painful Past and New Self Understanding
While composing his latest memoir, Lukas Gage revealed he developed a sense of “empathy” for his past self, despite the process unearthing painful recollections for both him and his relatives.
A specific incident proved particularly distressing for his mother: his account of experiencing molestation by a youth camp counselor.
Speaking exclusively to Us Weekly before the October 14 release of his book, I Wrote This for Attention, Gage, 30, conveyed, “It devastated me to witness her pain over certain events that befell us,” referencing the instance when he had to inform his mother about being compelled to perform sexual acts in front of a counselor.
“I believe, as a mother, there’s a feeling that you don’t want to have failed your children. You merely desire the best for them,” the Euphoria alum confided to Us. “And there were numerous circumstances beyond her control, and one can only safeguard their children to a certain extent.”
Although his mother couldn't shield him from harm, Gage affirmed that she has consistently been an “extraordinary” parent.
“She assumed the roles of both father and mother; truly, she is formidable,” he enthused. “I genuinely believe there was nothing more she could have done to protect me. The world is a bewildering, frightening place, and you can only shield your children so much.”
Lukas Gage to Explore Sex, Divorce and More in New Memoir
Despite feeling sorrow for his mother and her emotional reaction to his trauma, Gage made the decision to be candid about every aspect of his life in his publication. This included recalling his unsettling encounter with an older camp counselor from years prior.
“Suddenly, the tent entrance unzipped, and we both froze. A shadowy silhouette peered inside. As the figure drew nearer, I recognized it as the counselor who was always flirting with the other counselors,” Gage penned in his memoir. “The attractive Australian in his twenties: the one who emanated a raw, captivating masculinity and rugged charm that made him appear a decade older — the very man I aspired to be.”
The White Lotus actor recounted being fully clothed but feeling as if “we might as well have been nude” due to the way the counselor “scrutinized us from head to toe.”
“I attempted to cover myself, even though nothing was exposed and I had nowhere to go,” Gage wrote, noting he was accompanied by a fellow camper named Nina when the counselor “stepped into the tent and zipped the canvas flap shut behind him.”
Everything the 'Euphoria' Cast Has Said About the Show’s Onscreen Nudity
Gage remembered realizing almost immediately that he “wouldn’t get into trouble” for being in the tent with Nina if he chose to “comply” for the counselor.
“He unzipped his trousers as he began moving closer. I knew it was wrong as it was happening. It was wrong of him,” the actor wrote. “It was wrong that I was slightly aroused, that I felt uneasy, that I felt nothing at all. It was wrong that I relished the thrill of engaging in something prohibited.”
Gage explained that his “skin felt soiled” and his stomach “tightened with fear” but he transformed his “anxiety into excitement.”
He recalled the counselor touching himself as Gage was instructed to “kiss her more intensely” and remove his shirt to bring their bodies closer together.
“I hesitated, then reluctantly began to remove my shirt. Time started to accelerate, and suddenly I was no longer as afraid. I was no longer present for the experience. A completely new persona had emerged,” Gage wrote. “I was so detached from myself — observing, disconnected, as if I were at my computer screen controlling one of my Sims.”
After some time, Gage remembered the counselor making “a sound of relief” and then he “ejaculated on my sleeping bag.”
“When I re-entered my body, I was now alone in the same sleeping bag, watching the sun begin to rise. What on earth happened last night?”
Matthew Underwood Says He Believes in 'Growth' After Sexual Assault Story
After penning his memoir, Gage shared with Us that one of the most challenging aspects was learning “to be truthful with myself.”
He explained, “I think it’s quite simple to discuss many aspects of your life and perhaps turn it into a jest, or, you know, remain very superficial about it. But I believe by delving deeply and being truly honest with myself, I felt I comprehended myself considerably more.”
Gage disclosed, “I held a great deal of empathy for that younger, impulsive, reckless child. It was remarkable. I feel profoundly grateful that I had that much time to, like, just explore myself.”
I Wrote This for Attention is currently available wherever books are sold.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
